BIG TIPS

There's a gay-basher in my class-and I've slept with him

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

I'm appalled. Today two of my compulsive (yet appealing) habits crashed headlong into each other, and failed me simultaneously!

On one hand: Despite having gotten my driver's license at 17 as a mandatory suburban rite de passage, I have never owned a car. I mostly bus, but I've developed quite the penchant for cabs. (I have no desire for my own car: I want a driver.) On palm number two: M-m-m... cold cereal. Usually it's about Cap'n Crunch, but this week I broke down and bought a box of Pop-Tart Crunch out of curiosity, and I grabbed it this morning to take to work with me.

I'm sure by this point you've already put two and two together, and know where this story's going. No? Well, I slept late, and the bus wouldn't have gotten me to work on time. So, I called a cab. Do I live on the steepest of hills? Is it a solid black sheet of ice? Oui and Oui. After spending 15 minutes trying to push the cab out of the snowdrift it had slid into, I shook the entire box of cereal under its tires to provide traction. And it didn't work! I know that Cap'n Crunch, in all of its abrasive, road-gripping coarseness, would have done the trick. Never send a PopTart to do the Captain's job.

Dear Tipper Martone,

I (a gay male in my late 20s) recently

lence. Since your initial conversation didn't produce results, it's time for another one. The kind of statements he's made about physical violence and rape are considered red flags by the police, and you can file a report, which would be kept on file in case he acted on them. I'm not a fan of using the police to control speech and behavior, but in the case of potential beatings and rape, that's what they're there for.

Perhaps he'll find the report an unsavory idea and he'll knock it off. Probably not. In that case, don't underestimate the power of the rumor mill. Tell everyone what he's said, everyone you run into in school, at work, in the bars...especially anyone you see dancing with him or making out with him. He may have spit out enough rope with which to hang himself and his social life.

Dear M.T.,

I had felt alone in my belief that some of the essential skills of gracious living—or merely those requisite for remaining well groomed-were not being adequately taught and maintained in recent years, and so I thank you for the recent tips on shoe polishing. My query, however, addresses something far less physical.

On the nights when I am fortunate enough to have time enough to sleep, I have extremely vivid dreams. Sometimes they are pedestrian; possibly less interesting than my waking life. I frequently tell my friends and

enrolled in a night sociology class for self family when they appear in my dreams, be-

improvement. On the first night of class we got into a discussion of homosexuality. Needless to say there were a variety of opinions, including some of the "fag, queer, sinner-goto-hell" variety. Most of those with anti-gay thoughts obviously acted out of ignorance. Only one man, in the back of the room, was truly offensive. He spewed out all kinds of gay-bashing trash all night long. He threatened physical violence to gay men and rape to lesbians. The teacher finally took him out in the hall and told him to tone it down.

If that was the entire story, I wouldn't be writing to you. The rub is that the tormentor is as gay as they come. I know because we took classes together during our younger days at the same college. That was during my wild days, and I had sex with him several times. He was very experienced with men at that time and he was the one who introduced me to the pleasures of anal sex. Imagine my surprise, then, when I looked back in class to see who was acting like such an idiot and saw my old lover.

I went up to him after class and asked if he remembered me. He said he did not and denied being gay (I made it obvious during class that I am.) At first I shrugged it off as a "conversion," but the next week I saw the same jerk dancing with and kissing a hunk at a gay establishment.

Tipper, this guy has me steamed. He continues to be obnoxious in class and has reduced a lesbian to tears because of his hateful speech. I don't want to publicly announce him as gay because I don't want to reveal my sex life to the world. but I do want to shut him up. Suggestions?

Dear Trash the Basher,

Hot at the Hypocrite

I don't believe in hell, but guys like this make me hope that there's a special theme park in the afterlife run by Jesse Helms, with a special price on the "eternity ticket." Clearly, he needs self-improvement a whole lot more desperately than you do. Outing him in class probably wouldn't work anyway, since he could just deny being gay; besides who wants him as a fellow queer? While he has the right to say whatever he wants, he doesn't have the right to waste the time and money that you've invested in this class. If he's disruptive of the class, talk to the professor and the other students about challenging or deflecting him whenever he opens his mouth.

More disturbing, however, is the possibility that he might act out his threats of vio-

cause it indicates that I've been thinking of them, and of course, dreams are usually pretty amusing. The problem arises when the dream is disturbing. For example, last night, I dreamed that a friend of a friend of mine and her lover were murdered. I didn't dream about the incident itself, but about how it felt to have a tragedy happen, and my subsequent grief. I should qualify this immediately: I have not a psychic bone in my body. If I have a clear flash in my head of crossing a street and being hit by a truck, or winning at Bingo, it most decidedly does not happen.

I have dreamed in the past of different members of my family dying, and my sadness, and I've always just taken it to mean that I care about them and perhaps am particularly concerned about them at the time of the dream. However, I don't know this woman particularly well, and her lover not at all, so it feels oddly intimate and inappropriate to tell her. I'm not compulsively confessional, but this dream was genuinely distressing, and I almost feel guilty when I consider not telling her. What do you think would be an appropriate course of action?

Not So Beautiful Dreamer

Dear Weep in Your Sleep,

Don't tell her. It'll just make her feel weird that you were having such an intense dream about her. You're right: the dream, if not your mind just doing a daily debris dump, probably reflected some daytime stress, or worry about her or someone else, or that you ate something weird before bed. By the time you read this, the immediacy of the seeming "vision" will have undoubtedly faded.

Send queries or comments to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland, OH 44101; or fax to 216631-1082; or e-mail ChronOhio@aol.com.

The Chronicle Needs Volunteer Reporters

Report on the events that interest you! Sports, Health Matters, Music, Community Groups, Drag, etc.

Call Doreen at 216 631-8646

FEBRUARY 9, 1996 GAY PEOPle's ChroNICLE 27

Initially many of our clients call us because we are a lesbian couple. After working with us, our clients refer their family, friends and co-workers to us because they had a "WINNING” real estate experience! Don't forget the lavender rule!! When in doubt...

Darla L. Luebbe & Lorraine Ferret "The Winning Pair"

CALL A LESBIAN!!

We would like to thank you for your continued support this year. We so appreciate your business!! We wish you and all of your families harmony, love and a peaceful holiday season. Relax and ENJOY the Holidays...Kiss someone you love & call your mom!!

What our clients say:

*

After our 1st appointment with Darla & Lorraine, we knew precisely how much our monthly & down pymts would be, BEFORE we took one step into that 1st home. They educated us and removed the fear of buying!

*

Bob and Frank

After months of house hunting, wear and tear on our cars and our nerves, we were put at ease and you found us our dream home in only 8 days! Thanks ladies!!

David and Jim

*... My first experience in finding a home was nothing like the horror stories I have heard. I am convinced that this is due to your patience & willingness to answer even my minor questions.... Sincerely, Grateful, Enjoying...

Lo'Litta

In 1994, 69% (this is no lie) of our business came from past clients & referrals which tells us we're doing it right! Plus...we don't discriminate. We are happy to work with heterosexuals too!!

Call today for your "Winning" real estate event!!

614/523-0808 ext. 114

Planning your

King Thompson

REALTORS®

Financial & Legal Security

Financial Professional Will Present:

▼The Financial Planning Process ▼Wealth Accumulation

▼ Savings & Investment Vehicles ▼ Overview of Mutual Funds and IRA's

Attorney Will Present:

▼ Estate Planning Needs for Gay & Lesbian Families ▼Wills, Trusts & Powers of Attorney

Legal Options When Couples Break-up

Saturday, March 2nd, 10:00 a.m.

480

Call (800) 795-0123 for more information Free Program! Free Refreshments!

Rockside Road

21

Crown Center

Crown Center at 177 & Rockside

5005 Rockside Road

Independence, Ohio 44131

Free Parking

Same building as Cooker Restaurant